PART 1: TWO WHEEL PLAGUE

4-6 July 2013. Days 5-7 of 17. 
My Tho, Ho Chi Minh City (Saigon) and Cu Chi Tunnels VIETNAM. 
Overnights in Ho Chi Minh City (Saigon) and The Reunification Express Overnight Train in VIETNAM. 

Our kids were sad to leave Cambodia on Thu 4 July. It was a free morning for all until 11:30am when we were picked up for our 45min flight to Ho Chi Minh City in Vietnam. The word "Vietnam" is made up of the "Viet" peoples or culture (much like Khmer is to Cambodia) and "nam" which means "south". It is actually written as Viet Nam in the local language and on signs. My run along the Mekong River in Phnom Penh that morning was very revealing. Once again I left behind some of the gloss of the Palace, Pagotas and Pastry shops of the Riverwalk and ran into smoke filled dirt and chaos.

I actually love running in Asia because you can run with the Tuk-Tuks and not get touched by cars or trucks. The outer Phnom Penh is very chaotic and dirty. I couldn't help thinking how one might go about cleaning it up - maybe it has to be this way. It is certainly a world away from what we are used to in the west. The flight to Ho Chi Minh CIty was very quick and comfortable, especially with my pre-flight shout of 12 "Dairy Queen" ice creams at the airport - I promised a shout in Phnom Penh last night but it never happened because our intended restaurant was closed.

There are 6 million motor bikes and bicycles in Ho Chi Minh City. They are everywhere. Like a plague. They outnumber cars but not people - there are almost 9 million people in this city that the South called Saigon up until 1976 when the Northern Communists took over after the Vietnam War. There is an immediate contrast to Phnom Penh. Saigon is much cleaner and despite the plague of two wheelers, EVERYONE, wears a helmet and stops at traffic lights. Inner city streets are cleaner and the shops and buildings more upmarket and better kept. Our hotel was in the centre of town.

Before we could say "sin chow" (hello) we were on our way in two seven seater cabs to one of the best Pho restaurants in town. The evening meal was preceded by drama. Nick Golfin had $AUD60 literally swiped from "under his nose" by the cab driver whilst paying the fare. The cabbie notioned Nick that he had taken out the wrong notes to pay him and whilst pointing to the correct ones, swiftly lifted an Ozzie $50 and $10 that Nick has stored at the bottom of the pile of Vietnam "dong" currency. Suffice to say that Nick was pissed off that a $AUD3 cab fare had become a $AUD63 liability.

Anyway, the food made up for it as we consumed big bowls of beef, chicken and vegetarian Pohs with loads of fresh Asian basil, lemongrass and chilli - I have never consumed so much chilli in a single sitting. It was so fresh and so hot. The entire meal cost us $AUD6 per person. Saigon never stops. I swear that there was just as much traffic and honking at 10pm when we returned to the hotel as at 5:30am the next morning when I awoke to snatch my first run in Vietnam. The run was an adrenalin rush - motor bikes and horns buzzed around me and I must say the road was safer than any park. Somehow the traffic never runs into you - almost as if you ARE a human mototbike. On the footpath there are aimless, wandering people who simply just walk into you - maybe they are not used to runners on their pavement.

After a dark "robusta" bean Vietnamese long black with milk and croissant (you would never guess the French colonial influence!) we were off on in our mini-bus to the town of "My Tho" on the Mekong Delta some 90min drive south west. During this time our guide "Hau" explained many details of Vietnamese origins, history and culture. The landscape on the way down was lush, green and full of rice paddys and graves. Yes graves. The farmers in these parts lease land from the government to grow rice and if one of their family members die they are allowed to bury them on the land. They do this to increase their chances of the lease being handed down to offspring of the family and for good luck. Bizarre.

After a brief "tourist trap" stop we boarded our little wooden diesel driven long boat and putt-putted our way across the very wide and very brown Mekong to the first of three islands - Unicorn! The Mekong is a grand old bird. It is the 10th longest river in the world snaking some 4,200km from Tibet through five more countries to end up 45km upstream of where we were in Vietnam pouring out into the South China Sea. On Unicorn Island we visited a local famly who amongst 100 others grew tropical fruits - Pineapple, Lady Finger Bananas, Dragon Fruit, Longan and Ranbutant. After sampling all of these we were treated to traditional Vietnamese ballads accompanied by four key instruments.

Before too long the sound of diesel props filled our ears again as we made our way to Phoenix Island were I decided to "dag dance" over the side of the boat into the Mekong and give a swimming report of it. On Phoenix Island we visited a local family that makes very famous lollies that are even exported to Australia. They are made from coconut and caramelised brown sugar. Additives include chocolate, peanuts or a local green plant that is slightly minty.

We observed the whole process from coconut flesh extraction, through cooking through kneading through drying through cutting to finally wrapping. The kids had a ball and even participated in the wrapping aside from constantly eating from the production line. Bentre Island that followed was the best. On this island we had the honour of visiting a local family home where we sat down in their lounge to ask them any question we wanted, followed by a home cooked meal and a visit with their pet snakes - alive and dead. The interviews were great. Each of our kids asked a question which you will see in the film.

Our host "Hintani", a very polite, smiley lady of fine distinction, answered confidently and told us of her desire to host visitors from all over the world starting 17 years ago. Lunch was to die for. Starters were flash fried spring rolls, fresh prawns and a quail egg soup with finely minced pork and mini four spiral pasta. The main event was a sizeable "Elephant Ear Fish", fried and presented to us upright! A young lady came over to pick the flash fried fish flesh and serve it up in rice paper with cucumber and noodles. BBQ pork with garlic and coriander finished this lunch made in Heaven...

Desert was a huge 2m python. The kids loved it. Lucky for them the Python was well fed and patient. The kids handled it so much I expected it to get the shits and swallow them whole... What followed was desert a-la Vietnam style. A glass of rice wine marinated by three Cobra snakes that died 3 years ago. Naturally, global adventurer John "Boo-Dah" Golfin was the first to open the jar, kiss the snake and drink what it sat in. Much to everyone's surprise the only other person to file up and take a sip was ANTONIA GOLFIN! To follow this outrageous caper was all our children embracing the "grasp" of an adolescent "Python" - very much alive! They shrieked with excitement and horror! It was a major effort to drag them back to the boat to head back to Saigon. On our way back we continued our Vietnamese education. The "Viet" people who lived in "nam" or the south are thought to believe by many to have originated in China - this is not proven and there are almost just as many who believe that the Vietnamese are descendants of a mix pf peoples from Thailand and Indonesia.

In any case, Vietnam continues to be a Communist country, albeit with a Prime Minister. Vietnam's economy is growing with key exports being Rice, Coffee (Vietnam Robusta is number 1 in the world), Cashews, Pepper and Latex (from trees). Vietnam's population is between 90 to 100 million with 55 ethnic groups and dialects. 70% are Buddhist, 10% Christian, 1% Muslim and the rest what is called "Cao Dai" which believes in ALL OF THE ABOVE. The French occupied Vietnam between 1859 and 1954 and it shows. Very classical French architecture near the river and baguettes on every street vending corner! Vietnam gets on well wth everyone except China were relations are still strained mainly due to squabbles over territory (Paracel Islands). When we got back to the hotel we were greeted with the amazing news that my brother's stolen $AUD60 had been recovered thanks to Tom Drinias remembering the cabbies number and Nick Golfin making out a report to the hotel on our previous night's return which they promptly acted on.

We celebrated this unlikely event by cleaning up and heading to the famous "Saigon Saigon Bar" at the rooftop of the old Caravelle Hotel where many a media stayed during the Vietnam War. What a place. It is the "Singapore Raffles" of Saigon. Steeped in history and black and white photos we sipped on expensive (relatively speaking) drinks to a great view of the noisy and bustling city below. Dinner was a walk around the corner to a place that excels in "Clay Pot" Vietnamese dishes. Slow cooked, intensely flavoured pork and seafood washed down by gallons of beer...

What a day. The best so far. Nick G and I began our day at 5:45am on Sat 6 July. We jogged down the Saigon River, the upside being the wide open space and slight breeze, the downside being the smell of the river - it was really a big open storm water drain and sewer. Our day today was focused on the city and the Cu Chi tunnels, 68km north-west of Saigon. The morning kicked off with a walking tour of the French Colonial District visiting the famous Rex Hotel, Town Hall with statue of Ho Chi Minh in front, the Opera House and the most expensive department store in town. This area of town is literally a page out of Paris. We then walked further to the Post Office and Notre Dame Cathedral. The post office is a grand old building and the interior would have been exactly the same as in the war.

The interior of the Notre Dame was nowhere near the one in Paris but outside were several bride and groom couples taking photos - apparently days or weeks BEFORE there weddings! Opposite the Cathedral was a whole mob of high school kids singing and dancing away and it struck me immediately that we should be part of it and create a terrific segment for "Boo-Dah - The Movie"!!! What a blast. The kids took to it immediately clapping and dancing away to a few Asian songs. The climax came when our school friends put on "Gangnam Style" which even got the adults hopping around like crazy - perfect for the Dag Dance! We then hopped on the mini-bus and travelled 90min out of town to the tunnels.

The first 15km of underground tunnel was dug out by the South Vietnamese to avoid capture from the French colonials back in 1948 under the struggle for independence. The Vietnam War is THE event that most associate the tunnels with.

The Northern Vietnam Communist Forces or "Viet Cong" expanded these tunnels to between 200-250km to avoid bombardment and discovery by the US forces. On our way to the tunnels, our guide, Hau, outlined the history of the Vietnam War which officially started in 1965 and ended in 1975. During that time over 4 million Vietnamese died (mostly civilians) and approx 1 million American military died. The death toll for Australia was 70,000+. According to our guide the US got involved because they were deeply concerned about the expansion of communism in South East Asia.

Tensions between the Communist North of Vietnam (centred in Hanoi) and the South centred in Saigon started in 1954 with the signing of the Geneva Agreement which divided Vietnam along the "17th parallel" (17deg north of the equator) with the exit of the French. It is ironic that President John F Kennedy and President Bien of Southern Vietnam did not want conflict and they were BOTH assassinated before civil war broke out. Even Roosevelt sent a delegation of "military inspectors" to examine the country in order to decide intervention.

In 1965, President Johnson decided to send in troops by way of Danang which began the most controversial of all US foreign military interventions which ended with the 1975 signing of the "Paris Agreement" whereupon the Communist Vietnamese North took over the South forcing the US to leave. The North has been in power ever since. In 1989 the Communist Party of Vietnam relaxed the rules and allowed foreign business, investment and ownership to prevail heralding the start of unprecedented economic growth for the country.

The tunnels were a blast for our kids. They crawled through 15m on hands and feet, witnessed boobie traps, walked through the thick forest and visited several "mock-ups" of how the Viet Cong lived in these tunnels, including cooking, sleeping and even weaponry. Nearby was a live firing range which filled the air with the sounds of machine guns and high powered rifles. Most of us slept off the midday heat on our 90min drive back to Saigon for lunch at Pho 2000 which President Bill Clinton lunched on Chicken Poh back in 2000.

That makes two Presidents within two decades to lunch at this establishment!!! From here it was off to the "Unification Palace" which was the residence and working place of the past presidents of the south and now a museum. It is a suprising place, not your traditional palace and quite modern sixties style. It was originally built in 1878 and then leveled and rebuilt in the current style in 1965. Ironically the most expensive item in this palace is the twin air conditioning system imported from GE in the USA! The Palace became famous when in 1975 an American tank crashed through its front gates - a photo that is synonymous with the Vietnam War. Our next stop was the War Remnants Museum. This is a grewsome place displaying very graphic, confronting photos of the Vietnam War including mutilated civillians and deformities caused by the chemicals dropped by the USA including the worst - Agent Orange. The museum belongs to the Communist Party so it is very one-sided, anti-American. In any case the US should never have used chemicals in warfare since it was inevitable that civilians woud suffer and for generations later... There were also real, leftover tanks, helicopters, fighter jets, canons and weaponry on display. This place left us with a sick feeling in our stomachs so we welcomed the smell of incense arising from the "Quan Am Pagota" Chinese Temple in "Cholon" or Chinatown. This temple has several rooms each with a roof adorned by hand-painted ceramic reliefs. Hundreds of spiral incense coils hang from the roofs giving it colour and atmosphere. There are 2 million native Chinese living in Vietnam and they have a reputation for being very hard working and amongst the wealthy. We also visited the cavernous covered wholesale markets in Chinatown where you can buy anything you want from plastic cups to snake testicles! Chinatown is very crowded and the motor bike plague here is particularly severe!

It was 6pm when we arrived back at the hotel and there was work to do. Tonight we faced a 15hr, 886km overnight train ride to Danang almost halfway up Vietnam towards the North so we were off to the supermarket to stock up on food and grog. It was great to finally shower the events of a long day away and sit down to a chilled Chardonnay, imported cheddar and stuffed olives. At 9:30pm we boarded our mini-bus and headed to "Ga Saigon", the word "Ga" being a leftover from the French "Gare" or train station. The train was a relic from the communist past. As soon as I saw our cabin and the guards wearing their huge hats, memories of Russia came flooding back when Paul Pappas and I took the overnight "Tolstoy Express" from Helsinki to Moscow. This train was far far worse. Our cabin of four bunks was tiny but it was air-conditioned and it did not take long to transform it into a business class cabin of wine, cheese and olive paradise. At 11pm our antique "Reunification Express" train pulled out of Saigon station headed for Hanoi in the North. We would get off at around 2pm the next day in Danang to head to our beach-side hotel in Hoi An. We had a great time on the train that night - most of the kids crowded into my cabin (since it was the only one with tons of food and drink) and we recalled the events of the past few days with laughter and song! No prizes for guessing our kids favourite moment - yes - it was dancing to Gangman Style with their new found Vietnamese school friends.